A lot of people have been giving up booze lately and I will not be one of them. Drinking is rad! I love everything about my life, and we all know that having fun sober is fucking impossible!!!! Lol!!
Here are five reasons that I will be drunk until I’m dead.
1. Remembering people, places, and things is irrelevant.
“Black out or don’t go out” That’s my mentality. Do you really want to wake up on Tuesday morning and remember the name of the assistant general manager that threw you out of Chilis the night before? I love forgetting the details of my exploits, if I don’t remember it, it didn’t happen.
2. Everyone looks better when you’re drunk
My bang list is full of 9s and 10s, at least that’s how they looked to me. I haven’t had sex sober since I was 12 and I have ZERO regrets. Sure sometimes I can’t get it up but whatever I always have a good time. Beer goggles is an understatement, after driving home with one eye open and white trash Kate Upton in my passenger seat I feel like a true hero.
3. Being in shape is overrated
I consume 2400 calories in beer every Friday night and I love every second of it. I can’t see my dick, I get winded climbing stairs, and my entire body jiggles but I’m having the time of my life.
4. I don’t really care about my career
Monday, AKA “recovery day”! After an EPIC Sunday fun-day I need at least 36 hours to fully recover, which means sometimes Tuesday doesn’t happen. I am happy jumping from job to job and never accomplishing anything because that way I get to maintain my vibrant social life. Do you know how many fun nights I would miss if I actually showed up to work on time all week?
5. Relationships are boring
I meet a new girl every weekend, I’m basically like Vinnie Chase from Entourage. My entire text message inbox is phantom numbers from gorgeous babes just waiting for me to hit them up at 3:55 in the morning. Why would I shut down the love machine for just one woman? It’s just illogical. I am perfectly content jumping from hookup to hookup until I’m dead. Building a life with someone I actually respect and care for just seems like too much work. Being lonely is for pussies!
ANYBODY WANNA CRUSH SOME RBVS?