It happens to all of us. You’re perusing your newsfeed on some idle Tuesday and then it catches your eye. A black and white photo of a male and female model sharing a laugh in the park, superimposed above the headline “33 1/3 reasons a half glass of wine ruined your love life. ” Next thing you know you’re about 5 items deep in a bullet point list about everything that’s wrong with the world.
While its entertainment value is worth mentioning, its intent and literary contribution are about as well crafted as the high school honors English papers I used to write the night before they were due. So let me break the fourth wall here for a minute with a list of why sites that list things are terrible.
Here’s what’s wrong with sites just like this one. (Course this one is fake… and thus hilarious… we hope.)
1. We don’t understand correlative vs causal relationships.
A study finds that people who take naps are more successful. Another says people who take more vacations tend to have more money. Why bother ourselves with that chicken or the egg problem? Clearly, lazy people who don’t work are rich and successful, duh.
2. We promote anecdotal evidence like it’s real evidence.
Whether it’s a couple celebrities or my good friend Mike, it doesn’t matter, if someone’s accomplished something and they have some idiosyncratic trait, well then everyone with that trait can/ should accomplish that very same something. Are you Filipino? Awesome, now you can fight (and lose in boring fashion to) Mayweather. Did you learn how to tie your shoes with some nursery rhyme? So did I! Now you can write for this site. Are you a police officer in America? Great… well, never mind, you get the idea.
3. We’re like that narcissistic, needy friend you already have.
“Tauruses are the best lovers.”
“A crazy bitch who speaks her mind is happier, and less stressed.”
“People with dirty blond hair should get free coffee at Starbucks.”
Doesn’t it kind of feel like we have an agenda in every conversation? It’s almost like a petition and every “like” is a signature supporting how awesome we are. “Well, I got 1,200 likes so i guess that means Leos make the best boyfriends, it doesn’t matter how many times I cheat.” Half the time we’re just listing off reasons why we think we’re great. The other half, we’re looking for support because apparently we’re your insecure bff who had too much to drink tonight and our eyes are starting well.
4. Brevity isn’t always best.
Occasionally, we break from the mold with a departure from our light-hearted, laissez faire attitude and post something worthy of legitimate significance. In tackling things like OCD, depression, or even a very significant break up of a long term relationship, it might be best not to simply list common symptoms or adorable anecdotes. This is where websites like this should be a little more cognizant of their ability to help and educate, and little less concerned with the 43 things we already know we have.
5. We confuse affirmation with advice.
It’s more important to us that you feel good about whatever life decisions you’ve been making than providing constructive information worth living by. There are some incredibly bright, moral and thought provoking individuals out there but they don’t put their ideas into list format and we don’t wanna do it. That takes forever. After all, you’re more likely to read if we tell you how great you already are instead of encourage you to be a better person. And realistically, it’s about US and not about YOU.